Help with my Father

[italiangal]

My father was diagnoses with CKD almost 2 yrs ago. He also has heart issues which led to the ckd. He is 86. For the last two years it has been lots of meds and a seesaw of lasix and edema. GFR is now down to 14. He has dementia from all the toxins- though he is as smart as a tack on somethings. When we went to the center last year he did not want to even think about dialysis (PD at night).

I am his only child. My stepmom is gone now 6 years. I don't think he wants to do anything, and though in my brain I agree- it tears my heart out. He also doesn't want to talk- he is not that kind of person- just hides away from it. What can i do to help him other than keep him safe and happy in his home- we have 24hr aides, I'm not nearby, but a drive not a plane ride. The aides love him and vice versa- he has a happy existence of watching tv , dosing, going to have bloodwork etc. It just all makes me so sad.

It feels good just to write this down and know that someone will read this. I have been reading the forums for a few months now and have found everyone so interesting and strong and compassionate. It was just time for me to open myself to share.

Thanks for any words of advice or comfort.

[jeffmoore]

Re: Help with my Father

My father was diagnoses with CKD almost 2 yrs ago. He also has heart issues which led to the ckd. He is 86. For the last two years it has been lots of meds and a seesaw of lasix and edema. GFR is now down to 14. He has dementia from all the toxins- though he is as smart as a tack on somethings. When we went to the center last year he did not want to even think about dialysis (PD at night).

I am his only child. My stepmom is gone now 6 years. I don't think he wants to do anything, and though in my brain I agree- it tears my heart out. He also doesn't want to talk- he is not that kind of person- just hides away from it. What can i do to help him other than keep him safe and happy in his home- we have 24hr aides, I'm not nearby, but a drive not a plane ride. The aides love him and vice versa- he has a happy existence of watching tv , dosing, going to have bloodwork etc. It just all makes me so sad.

It feels good just to write this down and know that someone will read this. I have been reading the forums for a few months now and have found everyone so interesting and strong and compassionate. It was just time for me to open myself to share.

Thanks for any words of advice or comfort.

hi italiangal, i sent you a recent private message, if you are not familiar with this particular feature of davita, just check under your user name when you log in, and it will indicate if you have any pending private messages or visitor messages as well. i hope to hear from your real soon.
take care and all the best to you, and your father,
Glo

[cicero]

Re: Help with my Father

Well your dad is 10 years my senior. I do know a lot of the feelings he has and you are the better judge of his dementia than I, but I recommend one more med. An antidepressant as CKD and ESRD are great causes of depression.
Some of the things he has are a feeling that now is just a good time to get this thing called life over with. At last something that will do it.
But ESRD is a very inefficient suicide machine. It will kill you but it may take months or years of agony before it does it.
There are other times when he wants to live more than anything and is afraid he is not going to.
Like all of us he does not know what the dialysis state is like as he has not been there. I'll say away from potential patients, it sucks. When asked by potential patients I say that it is a walk in the park but you have to put up with a lot of wasted time. Can you feel good, absolutely, I do. Does it take a lot of time to do that, yes it does. Do you have to abide by a particular life style, yes you do.
So with your dd you have to catch him when he is wanting to live and get him committed then.
I wish you luck. But for stubborn old farts like us there is no forcing., just well planned faking..
Best regards
Cicero