First day on dialysis...oh my

[laken1981]

Hi all, I'm relatively new to the forum, only posted once...I hope you don't mind my need to just express the overwhelming emotions I have faced the past few days...I knew dialysis was coming, AV fistula surgery x 2 in April, but when the doc said, yep, we are starting and that was on Wednesday of last week and then on Friday the first session...all of these emotions have taken over.
The folks at the center were great... but I am soooo overwhelmed with this right now...I know i'm not the first to go through this, would love any input from you folks as to how you handled the flood of emotions... or if I'm just a looney tune...lol! I honestly can't put into words how I feel, I don't feel sorry for myself, have always been positive, I know I'm scared... ugh... what a mess...thanks for listening

[cicero]

Re: First day on dialysis...oh my

Let me tell you.........
Welcome to our site and keep coming back until you get all the aid and comfort you want and a whole lot more advice than you need.
I can remember my first day and the more minutes passed the worse I felt. I hated the whole world and everything in it. Nothing was right or would ever be right again. There was just nothing worth living for and yet I didn't wan death. I was the Devil's and he had me going good.
Mine was an emergency start, no pre plan. So no fistula. Had to get that during the treatment. And that took about 4 months.
But you are normal, this is traumatic. It does not quickly make you feel better, just different.
Its a whole new normal. one that has a new set of rules. One that has a new set of friends, services, requirements, etc and your old set no longer applies. Friday night boys for beer, well NO. Saturday football and Beer, well NO. Fluid restrictions are vital to keep. All you can eat fresh butter beans and sausages. Well NO.
But to stay out of the casket, I'll go along you wisely decide. Have faith, after 6 years I am an old hand at this and don't mind it at all. I feel better than in a long time and am accustomed to this new world of mine, and your to be.
Hang in there and read a lot of the posts here. Its a good site and will treat you right in the long run. I'll send you my rules for dialysis that will make it a better experience.Print them out and read them every Saturday morning until one morning you say, I can do better and so you do.
Actually I am on the wrong computer, I'll send them later this day.Be happy, calm,patient, its not a bad place to be.
Best regards
Cicero

[PatC63]

Re: First day on dialysis...oh my

It is scary, whether you find out in an emergency situation, like I did, or if you are "prepared" for it ahead of time. It's not easy either way. And you are not looney tunes to be feeling the way that you are. It is perfectly normal, for this is a serious & scary & possibly life-threatening situation. But this is a great place, to vent, share your questions, and find answers. Everyone on here has been through your situation or similar. Everyone on here was lost & confused in the beginning. But you are not alone, we are here to offer you the knowledge & tips to make things, if not easier, then just a little less confusing. There is tons of information, stories that will make you laugh & some that will make you cry. There are even jokes & brain teasers to keep things from getting so technical all the time. We all do what we gotta do, & try to share what we learn, so others can benefit from what we learn. Keep coming back, let us know how you are doing. Remember, there are no silly questions, so don't be afraid to ask!

[laken1981]

Re: First day on dialysis...oh my

Thank you both for your replies...I'm taking it one day at a time...I'll keep coming back, I'm really glad to have found this place to vent and try to make sense of this challenge...oy vey! Looking forward to more great advice, jokes and fun stuff to get my mind and heart in a better place

[azaudiotek]

Re: First day on dialysis...oh my

I am right there with you and the flood of emotions. I have PKD and was diagnosed 23 years ago. Have an older brother with it (he was on dialysis 4 years and is now post transplant for 4 years), mother died from it when I was 18, lost an uncle to it and a grandmother. I am no stranger to PKD. And, like you said, even though I've known dialysis was coming, when the doctor finally said last week, "I'm ordering dialysis for next week. I'm sorry but it's time" my heart absolutely sank into my feet and I just suddenly realized this was it. So, yes I am freaking out a bit...ok A LOT. I had av fistula surgery 2x as well last year and my fistula is iffy according to my neph but they are going to try it on Friday. It is better than the alternative but it still sucks.
And what about work? I won't say where I work but they are not being cooperative at all and trying to force me to part time so they can take away my health insurance. So, I have that added stress to deal with, as if the renal failure and feeling like crap wasn't enough to handle. I
do so appreciate all of your posts and advice. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to
numb the pain of the needle sticks until you get toughened up? Prayers to you all!

[parkavenew@sbcglobal.net]

Re: First day on dialysis...oh my

Yesterday was my first dialysis treatment. I feel better already. The staff at DaVita are very helpful. Naturally, I'm afraid, but they were quite comforting and more than willing to answer the many questions I have.