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Hi—I’m new here…finally decided I need to get some support, as I need a kidney transplant soon & am NOT READY for this! I’ve had CKD most of my life (I’m 57) & am lucky that it hasn’t caused major problems; it’s just been a nuisance. But now I need a transplant (GPR=9), and I cannot get past a feeling of dread as I look ahead.
It’s hard to want a transplant because (1) While I don’t feel great, I don’t feel sick. Just low energy & occasional vomiting, but that’s the extent of it. (2) With some kicking & screaming, I’ve managed to avoid dialysis thus far. So it’s not like a transplant is allowing me to escape dialysis (yet). (3) I also have a lung problem that causes extreme shortness of breath and limits me severely. Because it is unrelated to my kidneys, it will not get better with a transplant. So while I may feel better overall (I hope), I will be just as limited in my activities post-transplant as I currently am. Bummer.
What I dread most is not the surgery itself but the immediate aftermath (3 mo. or so) and the lifelong difficulties that will follow—med side effects, expenses, fear of infection/rejection, more frequent appts. & hospitalizations, etc.). I know my carefree life will change dramatically, and though I WILL be happy to be alive, things will never be the same. I know this because I had a brain hemorrhage/surgery 9 years ago that, despite an excellent recovery, changed my life permanently.
It took a year to accept that I must have a transplant. If I had another year to get used to the arrival of the “big day,” I might feel differently. But I don’t have that much time, as the transplant will likely be 1-5 months from now. Am I glad that a transplant is available? Yes! Would I be devastated if this (9th) potential donor is ineligible? Yes! And yes, I am darn glad that I have a means to survive and that someone is willing to donate. I’m actually very lucky in many ways, and I’m not ungrateful. But everything is relative…and from where I sit, it seems as if I’ll be exchanging my current “good-enough” life for one fraught with more difficulties.
Has anyone else felt like this? How did you handle your feelings, and were things as bad as you’d imagined them to be post-transplant? And is it true that I really won’t feel like myself for 6-9 months? Thank you for whatever help & reassurance you can offer!
It’s hard to want a transplant because (1) While I don’t feel great, I don’t feel sick. Just low energy & occasional vomiting, but that’s the extent of it. (2) With some kicking & screaming, I’ve managed to avoid dialysis thus far. So it’s not like a transplant is allowing me to escape dialysis (yet). (3) I also have a lung problem that causes extreme shortness of breath and limits me severely. Because it is unrelated to my kidneys, it will not get better with a transplant. So while I may feel better overall (I hope), I will be just as limited in my activities post-transplant as I currently am. Bummer.
What I dread most is not the surgery itself but the immediate aftermath (3 mo. or so) and the lifelong difficulties that will follow—med side effects, expenses, fear of infection/rejection, more frequent appts. & hospitalizations, etc.). I know my carefree life will change dramatically, and though I WILL be happy to be alive, things will never be the same. I know this because I had a brain hemorrhage/surgery 9 years ago that, despite an excellent recovery, changed my life permanently.
It took a year to accept that I must have a transplant. If I had another year to get used to the arrival of the “big day,” I might feel differently. But I don’t have that much time, as the transplant will likely be 1-5 months from now. Am I glad that a transplant is available? Yes! Would I be devastated if this (9th) potential donor is ineligible? Yes! And yes, I am darn glad that I have a means to survive and that someone is willing to donate. I’m actually very lucky in many ways, and I’m not ungrateful. But everything is relative…and from where I sit, it seems as if I’ll be exchanging my current “good-enough” life for one fraught with more difficulties.
Has anyone else felt like this? How did you handle your feelings, and were things as bad as you’d imagined them to be post-transplant? And is it true that I really won’t feel like myself for 6-9 months? Thank you for whatever help & reassurance you can offer!
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