Scared

[Judy]

Hi, I am a mother of a 35 yo son ( who lives w/ me) who was recently dx / Igan in July this year.I took him to the er for chest pressure, needless to say the floor was taken out from under us when we learned his kidney function was 9%. He had no prior sx.
Once discharged from the hospital he was compliant and "took" charge of his medications, diet etc...he has had 2 bouts of high potasssium and had to take medication to flush it out and had experienced swelling in the lower legs.He allowed me to be his advocate the first few weeks but now that has changed.He gets angry; when I don't buy the food he wants, angry if I talk with his MD.
Today the covering MD called his potassium level is 6 ( renal function in the 7's) and wanted him to go to the er for testing and medication, he refuses to go. States he "feels fine".He is scheduled this month for cath placement for home PD.
I am scared...I know he should be responsible and I should back away....
However, I am a nurse (a case manager) and I've tried to make sure he has all the care he needs and I know all too well the risk he is taking. I am afraid he may die if he continues down this path.

[IHaveFaith]

Re: Scared

Hello Judy,

Welcome. Once you've done a bit of reading here, you'll find out many people were shocked to learn they had kidney disease, or it was out of the blue and without warning, like your son.

If I were to guess what is going on with your son, I would say that everything is beginning to sink in and he is going through the angry stage right now. His whole life has changed, forever... and he's mad! It's a grieving process, with stages, just like the loss of anything else and he's experiencing all the emotions that come with his new reality.

You're in a situation that no one wants to be in. I know that you are his mother first and that instinct overrides everything and I know you feel powerless right now (I saw this in my own mother when I fell ill with this disease in my early teens).

I am assuming that he realizes that he is in end stage renal failure, he knows that he needs the PD cath and will require dialysis or a transplant to live, and that he is of sound mind. With that being said, if you are unable to convince him to go as the doctor suggested perhaps his father, a friend, your pastor or someone he trusts could persuade him to go.

If you feel you can "put your foot down" and insist that he go, maybe he would comply. If he scares you with his behavior and anger, then that probably would not be a good option.

I wish that there was an easy answer. He is a grown man who should be responsible for his health, but I know that you are also his mother and it is difficult to watch him make bad choices.

If you have not told him that you are so worried that he will die if he does not go and do what needs to be done, maybe it is time to have that discussion and see what comes from it.

I'm really sorry, Judy. I hope you will continue to come here for support and let us know how you and your son are doing.

My best to you.