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How do I help?

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  • How do I help?

    My girlfriend is 27, we've been dating for a year. I love her and care about her very much. I need support / help / advice. Last year her kidney function was 18% and this week the results say it's decreased down to13%. She is not on dialysis yet, but has the fistula ready. She hasn't lost enough weight or stopped smoking to get on the transplant list. I just don't know what to do. I am so scared. She hates talking about it and much rather pretend like everything is okay. When I cook for her, I always try to make sure it's low sodium, or I'll find a recipe on here. Her blood pressure is way too high, and that's with being on 3 meds for it. Understandably, she doesn't see how this affects me and sometimes I feel I care more about her than she cares about herself. My friends and family are supportive, but then I feel guilty for telling them, since she doesn't like talking about it. I just don't know how I can best support her, she says I already am. I need support too because it's scary. I'm a social worker and worked in a dialysis unit for a short time, so I do understand the process, but this hits way too close to home.

  • #2
    I've been on dialysis since I was 20 years old. I'll be 28 in two weeks. I know how much stress it has put on everyone in the past, and even my boyfriend. That's why I show him every day that I care about my wellbeing as much as he does. If I didn't, it would seem like I'm taking his help for granted. It isn't fair for anyone to have to care so much about another person, more than they care about themselves, while the other person doesn't give two ****s about their own self. You can't live two lives. If she wants her life to dwindle, that's on her, because it isn't fair that you're the only one taking responsibility. She has to make better decisions for herself and if she is countering all of the good choices that you do make for her, she doesn't care about herself and she hardly cares how you feel about it. My boyfriend keeps me on my toes, but I put my own initiative into everything, because I know if anything happened to me, it would kill him and it would kill my family. There comes a time that it is very stressful on me, and she's not even on dialysis yet? The point is, if you don't care about yourself enough to do it for you, do it for someone you do care about. Sometimes, all it takes is a little push and some tough love. Put your foot down and tell her that you love and care about her too much to sit back and watch her kill herself.